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—what’s with the hat?
—it’s my february hat! we survived january! the winter’s passing!
—you remember january has 31 days, right?

on the lake

—isn’t this lovely? beautiful day, hardly anyone around, big lake…
hey, there’s that boat from earlier—the one with the couple arguing…
—yeah… they’re quiet, now. wait—i only see one person!?


—excuse me—you see that tree?
—so do i! ha! ha ha! ha ha ha!
ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha!
—(true story)

i hit your cat

—i’m sorry. i hit your cat!
—you did what?! and what happened to your eye?!
—your cat hit me back.
—i don’t have a cat, and i have no idea who you are.
i’d like you to leave, now.

half-empty, half-full

—the problem with you is that you think this glass is half-empty.
—and yet, i think this shotgun is half-full.
—i think i half-understand your point.


—why so grumpy? life is good! when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
—you’d need something much bigger than that piddly glass, for all the lemons i’ve got!
—i had no idea you were that insensitive.
i had no idea you were that strong!

the pentagon

—you’ve been at that computer for hours! what are you up to?!
—must… get into… pentagon…
—you’re doing what?!